The first time I saw you

Today I went for my first u/s. What an amazing little thing you are. I can see you are so beautiful already and I know I gave out a lot but I forgive you for making me feel so sick, if that means you are so perfect that's ok with me.

I saw and heard you heart beating today. So technically I have two hearts now. Yours is so fast, 180 bpm but the Doc said that's good and strong. Yeah baby!

It was all so quick and I was so happy that when it was over I wanted to do it all over again. 

I love you already. Stay with me until around the 14th of March 2012 ok?

Why being pregnant sucks

 WARNING! Hormonal post ahead:

Ok, so I remember when my partner was telling everybody that she wasn't herself because she was pregnant. I get it now. Everybody think that for a woman being pregnant is the most beautiful, romantic feeling ever. For me it's not. And I hope nobody will get offended reading this. I know how lucky I am, I am growing life inside me and it's a miracle and blah blah blah. But the truth is that I am sick. I feel sick and I know I won't feel any better tomorrow, or the following day. This sick feeling is going to stay until al least the end of August if I am lucky. Then I will probably write about how great I feel But in the meantime I am an angry, frustated and 10% version of my former happy self.

I go to the kitchen and cry. I spend all my time in bed. I shut down all friends and family because I cannot face life as I knew it. Because I am sick.

Sorry for this sour post but the truth needs to come out, being pregnant is tough, more than the overdose of hormons of the IVF stimulation and the sore ovaries, more than the Egg Retrieval especially if you have 24/7 morning sickness and you have to listen to Doctors and nurses telling you how there's nothing they can prescribe to make you feel better. But sure not eating or drinking enough cannot be good for my baby can it?

Morning sickness, I hate you.

I love food, I love cooking it and I love eating it, I am italian for God sake! And since last week I can't stand the thought of any food that is not boiled rice or crackers. Yep, that's all I've been eating. Where is the healthy eating gone? Where are the fruits and veg full of goodness for me and my little one? I blame morning sickness, my n. 1 enemy at the moment.

And I'm not even 6 weeks yet! Is it going to stop? Is it going to get worse? 

I am exhausted. And complaining, a lot, which I shouldn't since I wanted this so bad i have to take it and shut up. But in some way I can't think of morning sickness that lasts all day as the baby's fault. So for me, they are two separate things, one I love and one I hate.

My first u/s is in 2 weeks, on the 31st, I can't wait to meet this little one of course!

Dreaming about not feeling sick,

Mamma V.

It looks like I am PREGNANT!

I'm still in shock. I was hoping and praying for this so much that now that it is happening I feel like I am on another planet half of the time!

I went in for my beta yesterday as the happiest person on hearth, I told the nurse I did test earlier in the week and got a positive and she said that a positive hpt on 8dp5dt is pretty good. Yey! When I was leaving I met one of the nurses that was with me since my first cancelled IUI in September 2011, she knows me very well by now and she stopped and smile at me. I knew she knew straight away! She told me she was going to try to get the Lab to ring me back with the result ASAP. I love her.

Funny enough I missed the call. The nurse left a message, I listened to it and she said it was good news and that she would try to ring me later! Who ho! She did ring and told me my beta at 11dp5dt was 574! Holy shit! My first thought after 5 minutes of googleing was TWINS! OMG! We are delighted a bit scared I have to admit but we feel so lucky and if it is twins what do they say? double the fun! And if it is one it's still perfect! 

Now the symptoms. Not much to report, I feel quite tired and need to rest more often than usual, I yawn a lot but then at night I wake up, start thinking and cannot go back to sleep until it's time to get up. Uff... I am definitly eating more, enjoying my food and try to eat healthy stuff. No coffee, no coke and no alcohol. I had some kind of very very mild nausea but if I eat it goes away starght away.

So far so good, my wife and daughter are over the moon and kiss my belly whenever they can. I know it's still early stages, we keep saying 'if everything goes well...' I really hope it will, meanwhile I want yo enjoy every second of this miracle. (or miracles!)

I did it!

And i'm so happy!!! I got a BFP on a FRER! It feels so good, I really hope all will go well, welcome on board little one!

To POAS or not to POAS

After my tranfer I felt perfectly fine, I had some mild cramping but I have been busy organizing my week end in Italy, I flew to Milan on friday for my cousin's wedding and spent some relaxing time with my family. I came back on monday night and woke up on tuesday thinking I could test if I wanted to.

Since then I cannot stop thinking about it. I just want to get it over with, if I am pregnant YEY, if I am not well there's not much I can do about it. I am scared I won't be, I didn't really have any symptoms that are not Progesterone side effects so...

My Beta is on Saturday. I don't think I can hold on till then.  There's one FRER waiting for me in the bathroom...